How I plan to get all bikini coffee stands closed for good.
Bikini baristas will be searching for new work after I launch my campaign against the coffee stands that are ruining the drive through experience for coffee lovers everywhere. Tales have surfaced of parents stopping for a blended mocha and cocoa for the kids only to find scantily clad gals offering up beverages and peep shows. Complaints of lines lasting almost an hour long just for a glimpse of the barista with stickers on her nipples. With new stands popping up all over the map and established stands wanting to stay competitive and keep their loyal male customer base by switching over, I can no longer stand idly by.
In my last post, I likened the girls who work at these stands to strippers who can't fully commit to taking off all their clothes. While I meant the remark to be flippant, I realized that the large of amount of tips and male attention over their bodies, probably has a large amount of appeal to many of these girls. Girls, who if approached by someone in the business, would most likely take the next step toward nude exotic dancing. It is widely agreed that stripping is a gateway job to porn. Since most actresses in the adult industry are addicted to some form of drug, it becomes quite clear that the bikini barista job is a gateway to porn and drug abuse.
My plan is simple and is broken down in two main parts. First, I will contact my local Labor and Industries department and inform them of the unsafe working conditions at these stands. Baristas are preparing extremely hot beverages and working with heavy equipment. As such, employees are required to wear clothing that will protect their skin from burns and closed toe shoes to protect their feet from any heavy object falling on them. My calls will be frequent and regular until the stands are forced to put clothes back on their employees or shut down due to constant fines. Also, I will have an assistant drive to these stands and order dangerously hot over sized drinks during peak business when the baristas are most frantic and prone to accident.
Phase two is something I refer to as RCW 9A.88.010 - Indecent exposure. As mentioned above, parents driving through these stands with children in the back are not expecting their children to get a peak of what lies ahead. Turns out, my state has a law in place that prevents someone from obscenely exposing them self in such a way that is likely to cause reasonable affront or alarm to the other person. This crime is a misdemeanor unless the exposure happens to a person under the age the 14 in which case you are committing a gross misdemeanor. I realize that what is legally considered obscene and what isn't is up to a judge to decide, but my plan is to force these stands into a painstaking legal battle of which there is no hope for escape or victory.
Who's with me?
Posted by Chase Roper