Since my true craft is crafting writing and not radio hosting in the first place, please accept what would probably have been the transcript of my show. . .
Hey everybody, thanks for tuning in to Chaseblogger Live! It's Friday September 15, 2006 and I've got a great show for you! If you'd like to call in you can reach the show at (347)996-3872 (don't call this number if you're reading this right now.) You can also fire up the MSN Messenger and IM me at Chaseblogger@hotmail.com.
It's almost Fall and I'm very excited. Not because of cooler weather or for my birthday in November, but for the New Fall TV Line-up! I'm talking about Desparate Housewives (the wysteria has always been my favorite flower and now lane), I really like Boston Legal (nobody can walk down law office halls in slow motion like James Spader). But none of these compare to the show that only 2 people in the world don't watch, and that's Lost. Yes, I admit it. I am a sucker (nerd) for this show. I almost got into the whole interactive online "Lost Experience," but turns out I'm just not nerdy enough for it.
I watched the premier of Survivor last night though and even though there was some fuss about the producers dividing everyone on groups by race, it's pretty much remarkably similar to every other Survivor season I've ever seen. The final immunity/reward challenge was dripping with stereotypes though. It was pretty subtle and hard to catch but they were there and gave definate advantages to each tribe. First the tribes had to paddle a boat to the into the water (the cuban/domincan tribe), then they lit torches on fire to be used later to burn up/destroy foreign artifacts (caucasion tribe), then they had to row ashore and run onto the beach (african-american), and then finally climb to the top where you had to cut up raw fish, roll it in white rice and wrap in sea-weed (asian tribe). That last one wasn't as subtle.
I can tell you what show shouldn't be on tv and that's Mind of Mencia. One, because Carlos Mencia is not funny and two because the show is not funny. I believe that the only reason Comedy Central gave this guy his own show is because they were losing Dave Chapelle and knew that Carlos would tape more episodes than Chapelle show per season, but for significantly less pay.
Because he's mexican.
I shouldn't say I don't like Carlos Mencia though. Because I do. But by like him I mean that I like his heritage. Well, by like his heritage I mean that I like to go to the taco truck by my office for lunch sometimes. Asada burrito for 4.25, Carlos? That deal is mucho bueno (which I think means good.)
Let's take a call!
Caller: Hey, I think you're wrong about Carlos Mencia, he's freakin awesome! Dee dee dee!
Me: That's an interesting point, Caller. I think you should change your mind though and agree with me. Because I'm right on this one.
Caller: Ok. I agree with you.
(click.) (I'm just guessing that it will make a click sound when a caller hangs up)
I do like that Dateline program where they lure in child predators though. I hate that there are child predators, but it makes for great tv. They've been using Myspace to attract these creeps and that reminds me that somebody I know who is pretty wierd recently got their own Myspace. I won't say any specific names, just that I call this person, Mom. . . it's my mom.
I'm just suprised that she figured it out first of all because my mom is unique. And when I say unique I mean pretty crazy. Just last week my parents came over for dinner I was in the kitchen making some coffee with my french press (because I really enjoy a hot cup of joe from my french press as I am at this moment). My mom was really fascinated with the french press and asked that explain how it works. I told her that you just put in some scoops of coffee and then add boiling water. After about 3 minutes you push down the plunger and separate the grounds from the coffee and viola! Coffee. She told me the other great thing about it is that if the power goes out I'll still be able to make some coffee. I said sure, if go in the backyard and make a small bon-fire to boil up some water first.
My mom had also told me once that she suffers from a rare allergy that only 4% of americans suffer from ( I don't if anyone really does but apparently she does). She said to me that she is actually allergic to her body's own epinephrine (adrenaline). Ever since she told me this in high school I've been dreaming up ways to have my mom discover a baby trapped under a car on her way over to visit me. Not a real baby though, a fake will do.
Listners wanting to call-in can do so at (347)996-3872 or you can still IM me at Chaseblogger@hotmail.com (not really, I'm still just typing this. If you forgot why read the top of this blog.)
It's time for headlines!
Details are scarce, but publicist Nancy Seltzer has just confirmed to the Associated Press that Whitney Houston has filed for divorce from her husband Bobby Brown. Hollywood is shocked.
How a turn of events in this marriage could ever had lead to divorce we may never know. Anyone able to have predicted that this marriage was going to fail would likely have also been the only person who could have guessed that Lance bass is gay.
Seltzer will not reveal the time or location that the divorce papers were filed, nor will she confirm whether or not Houston plans to continue using crack-cocaine.
The cult of Scientology is gearing up to unveil its newest program called Super Power. This super secret program will soon be made available at the organization's meca in Clearwater, Florida where the purpose will be to enhance or strengthen the human senses. Not just the five sense we're used to (seeing, hearing, smellling, tasting and feeling) but also the 52 additonal senses that group founder L. Ron Hubbard made up. These senses include: an ability to discern relative sizes, blood circulation, balance, compass direction, temperature, gravity and an "awareness of importance and unimportance." Without having personally attended such a seminar my heightened sense of awareness is already detecting bull-sh*t.
Scientology teaches that any person who thinks critically towards the church is an SP, or Suppressive Person. These SP's are, according to Hubbard's teachings, are supposed to be debated, decieved, sued, lied to, and in some cases even destroyed. Shouldn't this qualify each Scientology center to likened to a terrorist cell group? If so, then Scientology has graduated from training terrorists to creating super villains.
In the excersize to help hone one's ability to discern relative sizes, participants will be place in a large room with various sized chairs. Some chairs large enough for a giant and some to small for even the smallest child. Also, who needs to pay exuberant sums of money in order to strengthen your awareness of importance or unimportance? That's what MTV is for.
After a release of a recent photo of John Travolta planting a wet kiss on another man's lips one of the senses apparently not included on Hubbard's super power training course. . .Gay-dar.
It's time to wrap things up. Thanks for listening (reading). Be sure mark down on the calander my Oct. 6 and 11th shows when I'll be chatting with funny man, Kyle Cease! Also check out my almost-updated-daily blog at Chaseblogger.
Have a great weekend!
3 comments:
good grief. . .
Thanks for writing. Keep going on.
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