Sick, Dogs, Crazy moms

I feel like my kids have been sick forever. I can't remember a time since school started that one or all of my 4 kids haven't been coughing and sniffing. What is going on at their school? Are kids just lining up outside and taking turns coughing into each others' faces? I'm starting to think that maybe Michael Jackson wasn't so crazy. I mean, with the face masks he always used. Just that part. Otherwise - totally crazy. My nights are filled with endless coughing, whinning, complaining, and I think it's really getting on my wife's nerves. I can't help it.

A couple nights ago, I got the sickness again. Kids were sick, I was sick, my wife was sick. Even my fucking dog was sick. He would be whimpering from his cage in a way that really just made you wish you "Ol' Yeller" the poor guy. Then he heave and vomit into his crate. I had to start getting up and taking him out in the rain. He wouldn't move, he wouldn't want to do anything but piss and puke. Now he's better and just needs a good bath.

Last week, my mother emailed me (she is Michael Jackson crazy btw) and wanted me to contact her immediately because she concerned after having watched my Snow Video. Apparently, I seemed very depressed. Well, no shit. It was snowing and it was ruining my day. Look, this is a comedy blog. I'm a comedy type person. If I seem complainy (which is an adverb I just invented) it's done so for the sake of comedy. Who actually gets THAT bothered by snow? Do I really think snow is evil? I shouldn't even have to explain this. I told my mom that if something WERE wrong, she'd be WAAAAAY down the list of people I would call for help. You know what she replied? "Well, I'm glad to know I'm on the list." touché mom. You win this round. Note I did not capitalize "mom" in the usual proper noun fashion.

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