Gays and marriage - a true Christian perspective

Normally, I write about irreverent subjects or make fun of things going on in the news. I've decided to scratch that in this post and instead share something from the heart. You know, get real. This weekend my wife and I had a talk with our oldest son. Two people in our family are gay. I'll keep the conversation to myself, but it was at that time I had finally reconciled the "homosexual dilemma" within Christianity. I realized that there isn't one.

Should a gay man or woman be allowed to get married? I don't see any reason why not. A very strong argument is the debate over whether banning gay marriage is constitutional or not, but there is always an even stronger presence that over weighs the argument. The "Christian Right." You hear things like, "defending family values," "protecting the sanctity of marriage," and that "God detests homosexuality." I've never really agreed with those statements and I wrestle with the last.

Can't gay parents instill strong family values and morals into their children? Am I really supposed to protect the sanctity of marriage? Are straight couples sanctifying the marriage bed with an average 50% divorce rate? You know, its true that in the Old Testament(Leviticus 18), the act of two men sleeping together is called detestable, but there are so many other commands listed that make little sense in this day and age that it becomes clear that context is important when studying that scripture. It isn't meant to be taken purely word for word. What's funny though, is that the New Testament mentions that God hates divorce. Not divorced people, or gay marriages; divorce. What is James Dobson doing about that?

The truth is that I am not called as a Christian ( and neither are you if you are one) to protect the sanctity of marriage against homosexuals. I can't find anything in the bible that alludes to such a command. In fact, I'm not called or required to defend or protect gays, marriage, straights, Christian parenting, or God. Instead, I believe that everyone was created to have a deep relationship with God, to follow Jesus' every step and learn to live a life like his, to have real meaningful relationships with others, to serve and love others and put them before themselves, and to share the desire God has to reconcile with his children with others. Most importantly, I'm commanded to do all these things in love.

Can a gay person actually become Christian while still being gay? The Apostle Paul wrote that through Jesus Christ, everyone was made equal. Take a look at that word - everyone. Notice there aren't any exceptions at the end? It doesn't matter what sin you are wrestling with in your life. Jesus followers are seen as holy and perfect in God's eyes. Every one of them. In Christian theology, the Old Testament times were a time when men and women were constantly setting themselves apart from God and His presence by their actions (sin). They had to get right with God through a series of rituals and life disciplines that lasted for thousands of years. By coming to us as Jesus, living a perfect (sinless) life, dying on the cross, and raising from the dead, God was able to offer Himself up as a final sacrifice to end that ritualistic way of life. Finally, an end was put to the animal sacrifices, the food rituals, the extremely strict guidelines that helped to preserve His chosen people. Real freedom and real equality for everyone.

Jesus never spoke about ending slavery or giving women equal rights as men. The reason, was because He knew that when people listened and lived the way He and the Father taught us to live both in words and in actions, we would understand that owning people as slaves is wrong, treating women as less then men is wrong, decimating Native Americans for land is wrong, and not allowing homosexuals the same basic human rights that we were created for - getting married, adopting children, being Christians, or priests, or whatever - is wrong. You want to know what I think God is thinking?

"Why is it taking you people so long?"

Suggested Reading: Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith (Cover Image May Vary)


Anonymous said...

I think your amazing!

Carrie said...

Most of the kindest people I've known are gay. I think it's because they've been through the fires of hell and had to seek a spiritual and loving power. Nobody chooses to have cancer, suffer abuse, or any other shit the world offers....and gay people didn't choose either, it just is. Although I know there is a simple energy healing cure. But....every gay freind I've had is so awesome and a cure needed? Only if they want it, and why would they want it when they've spent decades in the closet and can finally come out. This world just plain sucks sometimes. Sorry...this is a soapbox for me, and no, I'm not gay. ( ;

Anonymous said...

Your a genius.... Some people can't put things into words but you sure can... Thanks for loving me!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow is the only word that came to my mind when i read what you had to say... i used to go to church with my family growing up but as i got older i felt like i was never welcome there because of who i am. I guess i was seen as a "sin" but the way you actually looked what was behind the words written in scripture it made sense the way you put it.. what is it that you do again? why aren't you a public speaker or deal with politics? I beleive you are the type of person that could change the world with your voice, eyes, mind and heart... i just want to say thank you.. that really touched me

Anonymous said...

Good reading, the difference is I am not asking the Gov to sanction the sin I struggle with. If I wanted masturbation, or drug abuse approved, or taught as an alternative lifestyle in school would you say ok?
The fact is sin is sin and we all have missed the mark, but when we as heteros or Christians are often times slandered because we are different from the Gay community, looked upon as bigoted, then things are a little out of whack. Chase if legalizing gay marriage, leads anyone into this Sin, then it is a mistake.
The CDC says Gay men die 20 years sooner than hetero men, should we really just say OK if you wanna do it have fun.
Some how they have mobilized and become a minority that does not have equal rights. I say they do, they can marry anyone of the opposite sex just like you or I.
I have never taken part in any protests, or actively worked against Gay marriage. But I think, for the most part thrue the history of man it has been shunned, because it is repulsive. In a few cases it has been accepted, for example in Roman times it was suposed to have been excepted, they also allowed parents 3 years to keep or kill there children, kind of a reverse abortion if you will. Just my thoughts.

Chase Roper said...

"I have never taken part in any protests, or actively worked against Gay marriage. But I think, for the most part thrue the history of man it has been shunned, because it is repulsive."

I think what's tough about what I am proposing is that it doesn't leave room for arguing or debate. A person's sexual orientation was never something Jesus discussed or debated. In fact, he refused to debate anything. He would offer stories that ended in another question (typical Rabbinical response in those times) and consistently demonstrated that life is all about love and relationships and that we all need to love our neighbors. Hint: everyone is our neighbor.

Loving and serving others selflessly without ANY agenda attached should be every Christian's ultimate goal. That is how we share the Good News with the world, by truly making it Good News for everyone.

It says in the book of James that "God shows no favoritism." We shouldn't either.

Anonymous said...

"I have never taken part in any protests, or actively worked against Gay marriage. But I think, for the most part thrue the history of man it has been shunned, because it is repulsive."

Not true. Up until the 1200s or so, homosexuality wasn't given a second thought. Constantine's rule came, about the same time that they started picking and choosing which books would stay in the Bible and which they didn't think were legit enough, and the first laws against homosexual activity were made. But then again, the word homosexual, or homosexuality, didn't even exist until the mid 1800s when a psychologist coined the term.

The Bible says nothing about the loving, consenting homosexual relationships that go on today. I think the problem lies in the media portraying heterosexuals from being completely different from homosexuals, when in reality, they are no different. We are all people. We shouldn't be fighting with each other and holding each other back. Homosexuality harms noone.

I'd appreciate it if you could cite where you found your statistics. Any educated person knows that 80% of all statistics are false, and another 90% are made up on the spot. ;)

To the original post:

Thanks for your view. Too often do people become wrapped up in the idea of christianity and following the majority, that they forget the whole point of the religion; Follow Christ. Christ didn't shun anyone. He didn't judge, He didn't paint anyone as beneath Him. He accepted all and loved all. True unconditional love is so hard to come by these days.

Anonymous said...

As a very strong christian women and who also has gays in my family. I believe very deeply if you are truely a Godly man you would know right from wrong. Leading your child to believe that two women or two men living, sleeping, raising children together and of course marrying eachother is not wrong, that in it self is not of God or for God. Your son should be taught right from wrong, and what a sin against God and his kingdom in heaven does to a persons soul if they are truely a child of God. Gays, homeosextuals, lesbians, what ever they want to be called is a direct threat against Gods perfect world that he created. And what has happened is that we as humans made our own sins and created this very sinful shameful, and discrasful world do to our own wants and needs! Period!!! I believe from my time in church and having a deep relationship with God that yes he loves everyone no matter who they are and yes he died for each and every one of us and we are all loved equally by him but no place in the bible does it say same sex marriages is okay. It states a man should love a women not another man! And yes it says love your neighbor but that doesn't mean sleep with them or to raise children with them and that has nothing to do with gays. In Gen. it states that God created Eve a women for Adam (a man) from Adam (a man). I can't believe that you would think that God created Men to be attracted to other men or women to be attracted to other women. For gays to say that they were created this way is a cop out. I have done my research on gays but when it comes down to it this is what they have chosen for their lives and no matter if anyone is gay, alcoholics, drug addicts, abusers, rapiest, convicts, sinners, murders, or any other committed sin no matter how big or small as a christian we are called to love that person. And God loves that person but when it really comes down to it I think both you and I believe and know that God does not like nor commend such behavier as being gay. And I believe that if someone is gay and they think they are a devoted christian, they are truely not seeking out Gods plans and really reading into what the bible says about gays.
No one is saying that gays do not make good parents or that they aren't the nicest people but from what you are stating that God created them and that he states in the bible that there is nothing wrong with it, I think Chase that you are not truely seeking out what God's plan is. And as humans I think that people are too caught up in how nice a person is or what a good parent they would be. what it comes down to is how as a christian we should live our lives and how we should shine a light for christ. and Set an example because we were made in the image of our heavenly father!!!!! PERIOD!

Anonymous said...

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NKJV)

We can love and be loving to our neighbor but the Bible clearly states. No wishy washy about it. We have no idea what God thinks but we have to live our life the way of the Bible and I believe people like to turn the Bible to favor their opinion which ever way!

Anonymous said...

"I think Chase that you are not truely seeking out what God's plan is. And as humans I think that people are too caught up in how nice a person is or what a good parent they would be. what it comes down to is how as a christian we should live our lives and how we should shine a light for christ."

First, I want to say, NOTHING was mentioned in that blog about what we said to our son. Second, I'm glad you as a "Christian women" know my husbands heart and whether or not he's seeking God's will. Funny thing is, I'm pretty sure Chase, being that he is my husband, could careless about what people "think of him" or how "nice of a person he is." I think he's choosing to not be blinded by hatred. Being that you are anonymously commenting tells me that you in no way shape or form, know my husbands walk, heart, or God's will for his life. And the great father he is and the desire he has to raise up his children as LOVING Christ followers.

SABRENA(not anonymous)

Chase Roper said...

Dear Very Strong Christian Woman and Person Who Quoted 1Corinth 6:9-10,

I may never fully understand everything in the bible. I will probably never have all the answers or scriptures ready to defend myself in a theological debate, but what I do know is more than enough.


I know what love is. (1 Corinth 13)

I also know that above all things, I am supposed to love others. I believe that loving other involves helping those who are in deep need. Sharing with, grieving with, crying with, laughing with everyone around me.

My desire is that people outside of the church could read things that I write or hear from the way I talk about issues, that I care about them. I love them. I never want anyone to feel defensive because of what I may have said or written, because ultimately, that means my words were not in love. They came from somewhere else.

I would be a fool to say that the bible doesn't mention man on man sex, or men and women with animals, or incest, or any other kind of sexually related scenario. It does. I've read it. But if someone asks me if I think a gay person can be a Christian or a parent, or married to a person of the same sex, I will say that to be a Christian means not only to accept His gift of salvation, but to follow Jesus and share His love with everyone around you. And if anyone, no matter where they are in their walk with God, wants to follow Him too, that's a great thing. It isn't just about a ticket to the after-life. Its about life right now. And if I don't understand something or if I'm not sure exactly what the answer may be, I will always err on the side of love.

And that is what I will teach all my children.

Becky H said...

I am dreading the day I have to explain this stuff my boys. But, I am glad that you guys are doing it.

I think kids understand it better anyways and they don't make it all confusing like adults.

Teaching kids to love everyone regardless of what they belief or way of life is the right way. I truly agree.

Thanks for the fine article and as a Christian it really got me thinking. I think it's hard not to come off as judgemental during the touchy stuff, maybe we all should to be a little more like Jesus in our daily lives and stop stressing about every little thing we have no control over.

God Bless

Meme & Donna said...

You have a heart that follows after God. What can we say, but we love you and we know that your children will grow to honor you.

My turn! When I fell in love with my first girlfriend I felt deep down that it was perfectly fine with God because I am as (s)he created me. The more I heard other people's stories and how so many gay folk felt "different" from such young ages it reinforced my feelings. I've heard stories from people how they tried to deny their homosexuality and suffered for years, often for decades in order to fit in. By the time they were in their forties or fifties they couldn't stand it anymore and had to make the scary dive to come out.

As for our recent struggles and pain I don't know if I can fully express how much it means to Meme and me to have your love and support. Rejection from the people who are supposed to love you no matter what can be very insidious where it could easily seep into one's soul to where they themselves feel undeserving and dirty. You two give us hope for a better future and a loving-extended family today that warms our hearts and allow us to feel like we belong. With all our hearts thank you my dear boy.

Adriel said...

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have faith that can remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to be burned, but have not love, I am nothing... Now these three abide faith, hope, and love and the greatest of them is love." which is corinthians 13.
To me this clearly says that love is the most important thing, so why do people try to deny others' love?
Great article!!

Anonymous said...

it's AMAZING how many people don't know about Leviticus (like you say above). i

feel if people just read it, they couldn't POSSIBLY give the old "god hates gays"

argument anymore. because they'd have to also agree that "god hates menstruating

women" and they'd have to agree to not eat anything with blood or any number of

completely silly rules that make no sense today.

and like you mention, it's all about historical context. there were two huge

reasons why dudes banging dudes was thought to be ultra bad:

1. it was a practice these people's former captors (Egyptians) had practiced and

it was important to the christians to establish themselves as separate from them.

they had just been delivered from them... they wanted nothing to do with any

similar cultural leanings. so the stigma attached to "gay" sex had nothing to do

with christian morals; it had to do with not mirroring Egyptian morals.

2: not only did they want to separate themselves from their captors but they were

also in dire need to build their community. the reason the old testament has such

a strong opinion about dudes banging dudes is because that act was thought to be

in direct opposition to what was supposed to be happening, which is to say--

creating a large christian community. the rule -- like many rules listed in

levitcus -- was born from practical reasons... not because gay sex is icky or


this line right here sums it all up: "Defile not ye yourselves in any of these

things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you"

in other words... don't act like those a-holes in Egypt.

anyway, just thought i'd comment. i'm not really a practicing christian...i just

try not to be a piece of shit. people need to stop worrying about who's fucking

who and start paying attention to being a decent person, taking care of their

familes and shutting the fuck up about shit their too lazy to really know about.

Joey said...

Probably the most eloquent description of my beliefs on this topic is found here:

click hereeee

Anonymous said...

you ever read about sodom and gomra? try that. Being gay is not the problem, its the practises that it involves. God crated Adam and Eve. Not Adam And Steve. If you are truely christian, then look deep within yourself, what is decieving you so?

Chase Roper said...

Thanks for the comment Kim. I truly appreciate it. After discussing this article with some of my spiritual mentors, I've come to conclusion that no matter how eloquent and savvy I think I am (or really am), this will always be an "agree to disagree" topic. Which is really sad.

In your comment, you stated the old "defend God's values" case again. Since when did defending God's values take precedent over the greatest command of all - Love others like Christ loved the church? That's a HUGE command. He loved The Church in a way that we can't ever really match. But are we even trying??

It has become clear in this day and age that homosexual people feel as though they are hated/despised by Christians. If we truly want to help everyone experience God's real unconditional love for them, should we not bestow that same unconditional love to them? If you want to address your concern for any particular sin in any fellow believer's life, then it should be done in an extremely delicate and close relational way.

For me, the point of the Bible and being a Christian isn't that we rest securely in the fact that we are saved and live our life in way that just strives to "not rock the boat" or never ever sin. That would be an impossible task.

I feel that I am in the best position of all because I am making a choice to engage with God's word and act on it. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But making a move with my heart in the right place is exactly what God wants - even if I fail big time.

Farris said...

All Christian debate on this issue needs to start and end with Leviticus. Thank you for being one of the few people to bring up the fact that the bible says nothing that endorses homophobia.

Anonymous said...

Understand... the Bible speaks of (as you put it) detesting homosexuality -- the act, the action, the involvement. The love of man (and woman) is actually the motivation behind this. I can't help but believe you've been unduly influenced by the "two members of you family" who are gay. I would like to adjust that to say, "who practice homosexuality." It has never been shown to be a genetic trait, rather and simply a preferred action or activity - a choice. The question... do we 'love' someone by saying "everything is OK", or do we sometimes have to tell people, "I love you enough to tell you the truth?" Ignoring what is truly unnatural (check the anatomy... these are only the facts) for the sake of what some call "love" is to leave a loved one (no matter how nice they are) in the false presumption that "everything is fine!" Yet, so many suffer the anxiety and guilt of these actions. I have MANY homosexual friends. I still love them very much -- and they ARE very nice people! BUT, they are still wrong in the things they choose to do. My question... who is loving them more???

Joey said...

I don't understand why so many responses (by the anti-gay Christians) are cut throat and personal.

This issue is one I've done a lot of study over and I'm strongly convicted about. Those here who've said the Bible is very clear about homosexuality, have NOT done any study about it. You can't read your theologically biased english translation literally and call it a day. That said, It doesn't "begin and end in Leviticus" as another said. It starts up again in Romans 1...

I have yet to hear a Biblically sound case FOR or AGAINST homosexual relationships.

I can't say I approve. And I can't say I disapprove. What I can say is that Jesus loves homosexuals. And if it IS a sin, I will trust the holy spirit to convict them of it. If not, I will err on the side of love and acceptance (like Chase), considering this is our primary Biblical mandate. I am not concerned about their sin. Christ saved ME, and was not concerned with mine!

Chase Roper said...

There are 21 comments somewhere within Blogger. Apparently, Disqus didn't want to import all of them. Get on it!