News jokes: Pirates, Shakespeare, Bin Laden

'Poltergeist' actress Zelda Rubinstein died today at 76 after suffering a heart attack. In a final statement Rubinstein told fans, "You all were right. I am very creepy. It's just that I'm such a small person with a very high pitched voice."
The tragedy is further evidence that the Poltergeist movie curse is true. Everyone in that movie is going to die. . . Eventually.

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Montag: 'I almost died' after plastic surgery
The rest of us: 'We almost got her!'

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Jay Leno told Oprah in a recent interview that he isn't going to talk to Conan O'Brien until "things cool down". He then immediatley leaped on top of Oprah's couch and proclaimed "I love Katie Holmes!"

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Production has started on the 4th installment of Pirates of the Carribean set to be filmed on location in Hawaii. If this is how they end Lost, I am going to be pissed.

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MSN Health and Fitness issued a list today of the Top Phobias of 2010. Fears for the upcoming year include terrorism, flying, and the next live performance from Lady Gaga.

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An Oregon professor says Shakespeare hid secrets in sonnet codes. Decoded messages in some of Shakespeare's work revealed the following messages: "Man these ruffled collars are itchy!" "If you decoded this, you're a nerd" and "Iambic pentameter FTW!"

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A U.S. monitoring group says the phrase "Peace be upon those who follow guidance" in a recent audio release from Osama Bin Laden is be a strong indicator of an upcoming attack. Another suspicious indicator on the tape was the phrase, "Hey, United States! I am going to PWN you Noobs!"

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