Once again its time for my news jokes that weren't quite good enough to run anywhere else. Should I be discouraged that the list is long? Maybe, but not as much as you should be for bothering to read them.
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Tragically, an army psychiatrist at Fort Worth went crazy this week when he gunned down over 40 people. This shouldn't be funny - but the sheer IRONY OF IT.
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Carrie Prejean dropped her case against the Miss America Pageant after a solo sex tape starring Prejean was revealed in court by defense attorneys. Sean Hannity of fox News said that its a shame to lose such a strong supporter of same sex marriage and then noted what a huge blow this is to the Obama administration.
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A suicide prevention group is protesting a recent episode of NBC's The Office because a character on the show pretended to hang himself with a noose. The group is worried that mentally ill people may be influenced to attempt suicide. In other news, a crazy person stabbed some people and killed himself.
An upcoming episode of CW's Gossip Girl has come under fire due to an ad suggesting the show will depict a three-some. The Parental Advocacy group is reminding parents to be sure to tell their kids not to WATCH THE SUPER HOT THREE-SOME ON THIS WEEK'S GOSSIP GIRL ON CW.
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On Stephen Tyler quitting Aerosmith: Joe Perry and the rest of the band admitted to being sick of Tyler giving them so much lip backstage.
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A gruesome scene in Louisiana when a woman was accused of having what was deemed a "concentration camp" for dogs in her backyard after authorities discovered dozens of buried dead animal remains.
Hey! Hitler LOVED dogs.
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While talking to PEOPLE Magazine on Wednesday, Levi Johnston called Jon Gosselyn "a good guy." While Jon Gosselyn referred to his ex-wife Kate as "Vaginormica."
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The University of Virginia's Miller Center of Public Affairs will record an oral history of President George W. Bush's presidency. The fully illustrated jumbo sized children's coloring book will be due out next fall.
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A bomb Sniffing dog that went missing in action after a battle in Afghanistan was discovered safe after 14 MONTHS. The insurgents originally thought the dog had defected from the capitalistic, freedom pushing ways of the Xionists, but were later surprised to find a few of them just had bacon in their pockets.
President Obama was so inspired by the dogs return home that he drastically changed his game plan for Afghanistan stating that we should have the Taliban stand on one side of the country and us on another with the fledgling new military and government in the middle. Obama said we will "call out it's name and see who it wants to be with the most."
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People in Serbia are stocking up on garlic rather than vaccines in order to fend off the swine flu pandemic. Garlic is regularly used there (and this isn't the joke) to "ward off vampires, protect babies, and promote good luck and fortune in the lives of whoever keeps the garlic in their pockets."
In other news: Serbia is soon to be eradicated by swine flu.
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The CDC says sex infections are still rising with reported chlamydia cases setting yet another record in 2008. Also on the rise - the number of people having sex with Lindsay Lohan
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